Reflections...

I keep waiting for a perfect subject to blog about so I don't screw anything up but I've realized perfection will never come here on earth and if I screw it up it's not the end of the world. So here's a toast to writing.

I'm sitting here in my parents' house in Phoenix, waiting for my family to come hang out for pizza and card games. I've been here about three days and leave tomorrow. Went to the Dbacks game (which was AWESOME), went to the lake (which was also awesome), slept 14 hours in a 24 hour period. Good times.

Me & the parents waiting for the game on Saturday.

The weirdest thing has been how I've felt this whole time.

I'm really glad I'm here and I've had a wonderful time, but it hasn't felt the same.

It's not home anymore.

And that's weird.

You see, my family moved to Phoenix in 1992. I spent four months in Los Angeles in 2002 and nine months in Missouri back in 2005/2006. And then I moved to Dallas in 2008. But for sixteen years, Phoenix was my home. 

And even once I moved to Dallas, Phoenix still felt like home when I'd go visit. Which was pretty often. Most of my mom's side of the family lives in the Phoenix area. A few of my cousins have kids and I want them to grow up knowing who I am.

Four weeks ago, my brother and his wife, who I am very close to, moved back to Phoenix. And then every person at my church who I might possibly pick to replace them in my life left the church (on completely amicable terms).

Last week, I realized that I am basically alone in Dallas. Plenty of friends, mind you, but no mentor upon whom I can count for words of wisdom and prayer.

So now what? I guess I have to grow up. Be the mentor. Feels strange. Not sure I'm completely ready for it. But I know it's coming. 

Now I'm in Phoenix, hanging with the cousins and all, wondering how life will be when I return home. Home. 

Texas. Dallas. Where I have a steady, 8 to 5 job, bills, a budget, friends, church, responsibilities. My home.

I'll be sad to leave my family. But I'll survive. I think I'll actually thrive. Weird.