Once Upon A Time

I was born on a dreary day in May. Okay, not really. A beautiful Wednesday evening, actually. During the Olympics. In California. A little over eight years later we moved to Phoenix.



My father was a youth pastor at the time of my birth. In Phoenix, both of my parents worked at the church in some capacity for the majority of my time there.

Therefore, I was raised at church.

Even so, I never really felt like I belonged. I'm not sure why. Something in me, something someone else did, maybe God protecting me from something. Only He knows.

From age eight through high school, I was involved in some way. Christmas, Easter, Fourth of July, Missionettes, Youth Group, Youth Master's Commission.

I had plenty of friends. Some good, some bad. Some I still talk to, some I haven't even thought of in a decade. (Weird...) But I never felt like I fit in completely.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying it was like I wasn't supposed to be there. Just felt like an oddball. Outsider in a way.

When I went to Master's in 2002, I felt like I belonged in the church, in Master's. I fit in Master's in the church.

When I moved to Texas, I had a hard time finding my place. Fitting in again. Extremely frustrating.

But, I found my place. In the church, in the world, in life. God has been fulfilling dreams of mine that I have never told anyone about. More good things are coming; I can just feel it.

When I went home this past Christmas, it felt different.

First, I realized how much I've been missing. My cousins, some of whom I am quite close to, their kids are growing up so fast, and I'm missing out. The church is different. In a good way. Some new faces, some familiar ones.

Then I thought about all the things I could be involved in. Productions and dramas and discipleship and singing. Things I've been doing in Texas but didn't do much of in Arizona. And it's not that I've been offered anything, nothing like that. It's that I now have the confidence to go after the things I want to do. The gumption, I guess, to step up and do it.

Next, when I was hanging out with my brother, his wife, and another couple, I didn't feel like a fifth wheel. Without any awkward effort on their part, all four of them made me feel included, like I belonged in the group. Also, I didn't feel like "Ben's little sister who's tagging along" but rather like someone who is a friend of each person. It was so cool. A very long night that I wanted to last longer. (Again, thanks to you four for such a fun time.)

- A quick note: A while back, I received some very good advice that I have truly benefited from. For any major life decision, do this: Make the decision, then wait a week. If it still feels like the right decision, then act on it. Granted, not every choice can wait a week, but if you can, do it. I have been saved from quite a few silly mistakes by following this rule. -

So, when I flew home on the first, I decided I would move back home to Phoenix. After a week of thought and much prayer, I am filled with peace and excitement. My lease is up on my apartment in July. I will not abandon my roommates until then.

Phoenicians, see you in six months!!

P.S. If anyone is looking for a roommate in Phoenix in July, let me know...

P.P.S. If anyone has a car they'd be interested in selling (cough - giving - cough) to me, let me know