A Hard Battle

The more people I meet, the more I think that they're all weird.

And they all have problems.


Insecurities, issues, imperfections, limitations, fears, defects, flaws, shortcomings, weaknesses, anxieties, secrets, complexities, troubles,... I'll stop now...

We are all so very different, yet so very alike.

Often I stress out about what everyone else thinks of me or how they see me, yet now I realize that people rarely notice.

As the quote goes,

Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.

By the way, I did some research, and this isn't a Dr. Seuss quote. The second half was first said by Bernard Baruch in 1948.

I worry so much about how people will respond to me that I forget how to just be myself. Friendships are difficult. Interaction with the world at large is scary.

But it's not as scary as I tell myself sometimes. People are hurting. As the DC Talk song goes, "We all wanna be loved! We all want just a little respect."

In the past few weeks these musings and contemplations have been bouncing around in my head without concrete thought.

I found myself trying too hard to be liked. Accepted. Included.

Striving to have the strong friendships I left in Texas.

The ones that I spent years building. Somehow I've come to think that I could establish in a few weeks what before I spent a decade on.

Not that the friendships of a decade are gone now, not by any means. But I moved away.

My very first best friend I moved away from, to Phoenix, when I was eight. That one was out of my control.
The next true best friend I had moved away to California. Again, out of my control.
The one after drifted away from me in junior high.
She moved to Colorado.
She drifted away from me in high school.
She moved to Chicago.
Every good friendship I built in Master's has been obstructed by distance.

In my four years in Texas, I built many strong friendships.

And then I moved away.

And oh, how I miss them. All of them. Even the ones who annoyed me more often than not.

Why does this feel so very different?

New time in my life.
New place.
So many new faces.

Stop comparing, Beth. It's not going to be the same.
No day will ever be the same as the last.

My longing for comfort and safety freaks out over that last statement.
But my need for mercy and grace praise God for it.

Screw up one day, tomorrow will be different.

Have a great day? Tomorrow will be even better.

Stop thinking about yourself, Beth.

I think that the ratio of thoughts of myself to thoughts of others is roughly the same for everyone across the board. Yeah there are those crazily unselfish people and crazily narcissistic people out there, but I think it all balances out.

So stop stressing, Beth. Love people as they are, and accept that people love you just the same.

[sigh]

As the saying goes,

Be kind; everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.

And after a little research, here's the origin of that quote:

This man beside us also has a hard fight with an unfavouring world, with strong temptations, with doubts and fears, with wounds of the past which have skinned over, but which smart when they are touched. It is a fact, however surprising. And when this occurs to us we are moved to deal kindly with him, to bid him be of good cheer, to let him understand that we are also fighting a battle; we are bound not to irritate him, nor press hardly upon him nor help his lower self. - John Watson